Category Archives: Life Coaching

The Storms Of Our Lives Revisited

I am revisiting a post that was written one year ago this month when Coastal Regions of the United States were facing another hurricane. That hurricane did little damage but as I am writing this, Hurricane Matthew currently a Category 4 Storm is threatening the Florida Coast and has already brought destruction to Haiti and is now hitting the Bahamas. In the below post I contemplated on the storms of our lives and what they mean, whether they are environmental or not, for we are all subject to them.

I’ve been thinking about storms lately. As a Hurricane now blows its way around the Southeast and the Atlantic, there is a sense that these storms can be random. We never know where they are going to hit and who will be effected. These real physical storms are felt but storms are not all of an environmental nature. We all are subject to storms in our lives. These storms can take the form of a health, relationship, business or financial crisis that can land unexpectedly. What these storms do is put us at a choice point. The storm signals to us that something needs to change in our lives. Perhaps we need to make a change to really move forward in our lives, and the storm awakens us from complacency.

The Storm Offers Two Choices

I believe that the storm offers two choices. The first choice is to resist the need to change or remain stuck. The second choice is to flow and adapt to the change to become unstuck. The stuck choice is motivated by fear. Perhaps the fear is of an unknown future, a desire to cling to the past, or a lack of confidence regarding our ability to handle it all. The unstuck choice on the other hand is motivated first by an acceptance of the situation, of what happened. It is also marked by a calmness and a knowing that you have the ability and inner resources to deal with the crises. It is out of that calmness with curiosity, openness and belief that a new direction, a new course can be forged.

They say that it is darkest before the dawn and so it is with the storms of our lives. I believe that we are never given a situation that we cannot handle, and we have more ability and wisdom than we know. It is also within the storms of our lives that our greatest life purpose can be excavated. When Moses was a privileged Egyptian prince, he saw and felt the storm of a people in bondage. His exile from his known life, his storm, allowed him to hear the voice of his God to move into his life purpose as a leader and liberator. Whatever your life purpose is, pay attention to the storms you may find yourself in. It is those storms and the way you process them that may lead you as well to your greatest purpose and destiny.

The following is a passage from our book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth. The Passage from Reflections On Transformation/Change calls on you to see a storm in your life in an empowering way: The passage is paired with Elise Okrend’s original pastel painting, Southern Sky:

A Cycle of Change. A storm can free your desire, your calmness can free your wisdom, your actions can free your destiny.

Southern Sky Pastel by Elise Okrend, www.eliseokrend.com

Finding Guidance In the Unknown

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Finding Guidance In the Unknown

About 2 1/2 years ago, we decided to move from Raleigh to Asheville. It was a creatively inspired move as my wife Elise Hodara Okrend was drawn here for the mountain landscapes, and interpreted them into her paintings. I also loved the vibe, musically, the progressive ideas, the beauty, the idea of expansiveness. It was also the perfect place to introduce our book, Messages to the Heart which was a joining of my writings with Elise’s beautiful art. So the reality of the move made sense on many levels, but hasn’t always been a straight line, where you can predict anything. Yet, Elise has found a home here to make art, to really be the artist that she has dreamed of. I think I came here for a sense of rediscovery, and to let go of ideas or preconceptions of my life that no longer served. That is a process in itself that is still occurring.

A New Chapter

Now after renting since our start in Asheville, we have bought a place in Black Mountain. Its beautiful here, but I feel a new phase, chapter is beginning, and I don’t even know what it will look like. I think it is the acceptance of this not knowing that has been most challenging for me. I am willing and able, and open to listen more and more, and to get out of what I think it will or should be. It is this sense of allowing that I think will make me happier, more fulfilled in this journey. I think learning to be grateful for all is key, whatever the experience.

The above reflection that I wrote shortly after my move drew me to the passage and art in Messages to the Heart that speaks to Trust. The painting paired with the passage is Lake Fontana by Elise Okrend.

What is it to radiate love? What is it to radiate peace? Let the clouds of illusion lift from your eyes and see that all the fears you thought were real were just distractions from you realizing your strength, your beauty, your purpose. Allow a sense of trust to rise above and lead you to a better way. The illusions you thought were real will crumble as you stop giving them power. They will melt away and you will see the path. Follow the sun and if you don’t see it right away, feel your way there, listen and trust. It will get brighter. It will get warmer.

As I go through my own journey, it is comforting to know that almost everything that I fear, love or need to overcome is addressed in this book. I know as well that whatever struggle I may be going through, others may be going through as well. If a piece of art or passage in Messages to the Heart has spoken to you at a time when you needed guidance, please let us know. We would love to hear about it.

Wishing you peace and comfort on your journey,

Phil Okrend, April, 12, 2016

Celebrate Valentine’s Day with A NEW Edition of Messages to the Heart plus Live Workshop

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EXCITING NEWS: A NEW EDITION of MESSAGES TO THE HEART, REFLECTIONS OF BEAUTY AND TRUTH will be available in time for this coming Valentine’s Day. The New Edition of the Book will Include Larger Art with New Pieces of Artwork by Elise Okrend.

As A Special Gift for ordering your New Edition Book for Valentine’s Day, we are including a FREE Emergence CD, A Meditative Journey Through The Seasons(60 minute CD with soothing piano music and guided visualizations)

A perfect companion piece for your book!
ORDER HERE
$32.95 plus $6.50 shipping/handling

footer Discover What Moves Your Heart: Join us for a Special Workshop, Sat. Feb 13th, 2-5p.m. at the Beautiful Om Sanctuary in Asheville using the art and words from Messages to the Heart to help you on your own path of self discovery. We look forward to seeing you in Asheville. Read more and Register

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Elise and Phil Okrend

The Storms Of Our Lives

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The Storms Of Our Lives

I’ve been thinking about storms lately. As Hurricane Joquin blows its way around the Southeast and the Atlantic, there is a sense that these storms can be random. We never know where they are going to hit and who will be effected. These real physical storms are felt but storms are not all of an environmental nature. We all are subject to storms in our lives. These storms can take the form of a health, relationship, business or financial crisis that can land unexpectedly. What these storms do is put us at a choice point. The storm signals to us that something needs to change in our lives. Perhaps we need to make a change to really move forward in our lives, and the storm awakens us from complacency.

The Storm Offers Two Choices

I believe that the storm offers two choices. The first choice is to resist the need to change or remain stuck. The second choice is to flow and adapt to the change to become unstuck. The stuck choice is motivated by fear. Perhaps the fear is of an unknown future, a desire to cling to the past, or a lack of confidence regarding our ability to handle it all. The unstuck choice on the other hand is motivated first by an acceptance of the situation, of what happened. It is also marked by a calmness and a knowing that you have the ability and inner resources to deal with the crises. It is out of that calmness with curiosity, openness and belief that a new direction, a new course can be forged.

The following is a passage from our book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth. The Passage from Reflections On Transformation/Change calls on you to see a storm in your life in an empowering way: The passage is paired with Elise Okrend’s original pastel painting, Southern Sky:

A Cycle of Change. A storm can free your desire, your calmness can free your wisdom, your actions can free your destiny.

Southern Sky by Elise Okrend, www.eliseokrend.com

Messages to the Heart Book Salon at Malaprops Books & Cafe

Do you want to go deeper, have a dialogue, contemplate what is possible in your life, in the world? If you are in Asheviile, or plan to visit this Fall, please join us at one of our book salons. We meet every other Wednesday through the end of October at Malaprops Books & Cafe from 5-6p.m. We welcome your presence and participation. The next Book Salon will take place on Wednesday, October 14th. Also, we would love your feedback on this blog. Please feel free to add your comments below. We look forward to connecting with you.

Phil & Elise Okrend

You can order the book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth through our web site , the retail stores listed there including Malaprops, or on Amazon.com

To learn about Phil’s Life Coaching services, visit his coaching page at the Messages to the Heart Website! Take advantage of a 30 minute complimentary coaching session to see how coaching can move you forward in your life and/or career.

Living From Purpose, Thoughts On Wayne Dyer

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Living From Purpose, thoughts on Wayne Dyer

We had the privilege to lead another Messages to the Heart Book Salon at Malaprop’s Bookstore & Cafe this past week. In a way, it was a tribute to Dr. Wayne Dyer who just passed. The passages that were covered from our book were From Reflections on Following your Heart, Feeling Alive and Purpose. Dr. Dyer possessed those qualities. His words, what he expressed is how we desire to live, unencumbered by fear or doubt, learning to tune into your callings, finding your purpose and ultimately using your gifts to serve others. We carried a bit of Wayne Dyer’s spirit with us at the Book Salon and the discussions were moving. It almost felt like he was joining us around the table, smiling and nodding.

One of the passages we shared was on Purpose. The passage is paired with Elise’s dramatic pastel, San Miguel. The passage reads as follows:

Each one of us has a purpose, a destiny. We each have a time when that purpose will manifest. You can not choose that time, that time chooses you. It is your job to recognize when that time is calling you. You cannot prematurely put your actions into motion when the time is not right, for then it is just your ego wanting control. Listen for the time, and then act. You will know when it is time.

San Miguel, Original Pastel by Elise Okrend. www.eliseokrend.com

I know that Dr. Dyer would agree that we all have a purpose, and as we truly listen, that purpose will manifest and happen in the right time. We treasure the time that Wayne Dyer was with us on this planet. We are all better off for his ability to truly live his purpose and share that purpose with so many. Thank you Dr. Dyer for all.

Messages to the Heart Book Salon at Malaprops Books & Cafe

Do you want to go deeper, have a dialogue, contemplate what is possible in your life, in the world? If you are in Asheviile, or plan to visit this Fall, please join us at one of our book salons. We meet every other Wednesday through the end of October at Malaprops Books & Cafe from 5-6p.m. We welcome your presence and participation. The next Book Salon will take place on Wednesday, September 16th. Also, we would love your feedback on this blog. Please feel free to add your comments below. We look forward to connecting with you.

Phil & Elise Okrend

You can order the book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth through our web site , the retail stores listed there including Malaprops, or on Amazon.com

To learn about Phil’s Life Coaching services, visit his page at the Messages to the Heart Website!

Music, Healing and Transformation

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Healing Art and Music Video

As a couple, we have long worked together to join our creativity to effect positive change and transformation. We created this video as a companion piece to our book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth. The video joins my healing pastel landscapes with Phil’s original soothing musical composition, “Footprints In Time.” We hope you can relax with the video and allow the music and art to wash over you, and bring you a feeling of peace and well being.

Emergence, A Meditative Journey Through the Seasons-Music and Meditation CD

Phil has been playing piano and writing original reflective music and believes in the power of music to heal and transform. As a coach he has has used meditative music with clients and in leading workshops. His CD, Emergence, A Meditative Journey Through the Seasons, recommended by John Assaraf of the Movie, The Secret, takes you on a transformative journey through each of the seasons, Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer. The hour long CD includes guided visualizations and soothing original musical selections. You will be prompted to release negative states and emotions, and connect to your dreams and visions of an authentic, empowered life.

Listen to Sample of the guided visualizations from the CD.

Here’s what a few noted experts in healing medicine and life coaching had to say about the Emergence CD,

” I had a chance to listen to Emergence, and loved the “seasons” approach. Great Job!” John Assaraf of the hit movie, THE SECRET, Author, Speaker and advocate of meditation.

“The Emergence CD is beautiful and imaginative. With the cycles of nature as a metaphor, Phil Okrend leads you on a gentle and sensuous guided journey through Fall (release); Winter (germinating); Spring (blossoming); and Summer (fullness). You can listen to the full CD or choose the track you want. Not only is Okrend a coach, he is also a musician who wrote and performed the original music on the CD. Like most guided meditations,the music is underneath the guided journey. What is unique about this CD is that the music is repeated in its entirety following each meditation. What a gift this is; the music is beautiful and allows you to linger in that relaxed state. You can also let it take you on a journey of its own. Use this CD in group work that focuses on personal exploration and transition or in retreat settings.” Choice, The Magazine of Professional Coaching – By Marcy Nelson Garrison, MA, CPCC

“The connection between mind and body in medicine and life is incontrovertible. In our everyday hectic and stressful lives, it is easy to feel out of sync with ourselves and our own natural rhythms. This CD helps to facilitate a reconnection with our true selves, contribute to one’s health and wellness, and possibly serve in the prevention of disease.” Lisa Tolnitch, MD, FACS, Tolnitch Surgical Associates

Purchase the Emergence CD, $15.00

Phil has also written and produced inspirational, uplifting music that touches the soul with more jazzy, pop influences. Sample his Inspirational Touch The Sky. His CD, Dinner Notes is available on Amazon.com

Wholeness In The New Year

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How Do You Look At New Year’s Resolutions?

At the beginning of the year, it is commonplace to think about change, and to set new intentions. At this time, many people set New Year’s Resolutions. Normally this may consist of setting goals you want to achieve, your “To Do List.” Often as you move through the year, these New Year’s Resolutions seem to lose their sustaining power. You either feel a great deal of resistance in pursuing them or your goals get lost to the distractions and busyness of life. Did you ever think that the block to achieving these resolutions comes from the mindset that created them in the first place. The mindset tells you that you don’t have what you really want, that you are somehow flawed where you are right now. This mindset comes from a sense of lack or not enough. It takes a great deal of striving, effort, willpower and the overcoming of resistance to get anywhere. It simply doesn’t feel good to do it.

Why do people continue to set themselves up again and again for these disappointments and defeats. Statistics show that only 8% of Americans actually succeed in achieving New Years resolutions.

What If There Was Another Way To Look At The New Year?

What if you came from a place of abundance and wholeness. What if you knew that there was nothing lacking inside of you when you set your intentions for the New Year. Then the motivation to change would look different. It would come from “I have everything I need inside me.” “What do I do now?” Instead of feeling that you need to get something outside yourself to feel good, you already feel good. Then life would look more like a playground of possibility. You would be called by questions such as, What do I want to enjoy? What do I want to experience? What am I curious about? What are the skills I want to develop to enjoy the life I was given? What are the relationships that honor or compliment me? What is the work situation that speaks to my abilities, my potential? What am I here to contribute?

From this place of wholeness, you see that control, willpower, major effort and striving are irrelevant. What is highlighted instead is a sense of surrender to a higher calling. It is a sense that if you trusted the knowing of your true self, your authentic self, you will be led exactly to the situations that will contribute to your greatest growth, joy, wisdom and potential. You will still take steps, and action. However those steps will be characterized by non attachment to outcome, a feeling of lightness and enjoyment. Your life will also be lived in the present moment as you would not be driven by a dissatisfaction that would judge or make you feel bad for not having what you want right now.

Ultimately, as you look at your New Year, there are two paths you can choose. One is the Path of Efforting. The other is the Path of Surrender. Which one will you choose?

The following passage from our book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth. This passage on Empowerment calls on you to see your life from a place of wholeness. The passage is paired with the original Pastel Painting of Artist Elise Okrend. The title of the painting is Into The Light.

There is only one essential assumption to make in life. That is You Are Worthy.
By understanding the truth of that, you understand that you do not need to prove
anything, control anything, force anything. All you have to do is share what you
already are with others and you will thrive. To believe otherwise is false to your
true nature and causes needless pain and suffering for you and others. When you
know you are worthy, you know that you do not lack anything and you are truly
abundant. You are here to grow, share, learn and love. All the other stuff is just
conditioning and learned behavior. All you need to do is let go of those falsities
and come back to the truth of your worth.

Phil Okrend, January 2015

Messages to the Heart Workshop

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We are so pleased to invite you to our new Messages to the Heart workshop

Our new live workshop, A Journey To Healing and Empowerment Through Art and Words is coming to the beautiful Om Sanctuary, Asheville, NC on Friday December 5th, 6:30pm-9:30pm

Artist Elise Okrend and her husband, Life Coach Phil Okrend, authors of the new coffee table book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth will lead you on a transformative journey of self–discovery. By using beautiful soothing art and mindful, contemplative passages from their book, you will learn to see your life through new eyes that will inspire, heal and empower you to connect to your inner guidance.

Register Now! Space is limited to 12 participants

You will be guided toward finding clarity on such issues as:

• Letting Go
• Finding Purpose
• Trust
• Self Worth
• Making Choices
• Taking Steps
• Finding Strength
• Living from Abundance

You will leave the workshop with tools and a framework to make positive change in your life.

We look forward to being with you.

Elise and Phil

Vulnerability Is Strength

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Reflections on Empowerment

This latest blog post was inspired by a passage from Messages to the Heart, Reflections on Empowerment, Self Worth. The art and passage appear below the article.

Being vulnerable is difficult for many people

Being vulnerable is difficult for many people. It can conjure up intense feelings such as fear of being judged, loss of control and weakness. When we want to project a certain image to the world, we may try to avoid vulnerability. It is as though being vulnerable will leave us feeling alone and abandoned because we will not be accepted for who we really are.

At the moment that we feel vulnerable, it presents us with a choice. The choice is one between acting from the ego or false self, or acting from your true or authentic self. While the ego may crave control, predictability and looking good in the eyes of others, the authentic self, wants to give and receive love, connection and compassion.

I think we have reached a critical point in our culture where many people are literally burnt out and exhausted from the demands of the ego. The ego is never relaxed or satisfied, and always wants control. It is getting harder to hold on to a sense of control when so many personal and world situations seem beyond our control.

Being vulnerable allows us to let go of the struggle for control

Being vulnerable allows us to let go of the struggle for control. It allows us the freedom to enter into relationships where truth and authenticity are valued, where flaws are not shamed, but merely seen as human. Vulnerability leads us to a shared connection with others because it allows us to have shared empathy with others. Vulnerability is then the place where true community building can occur. Vulnerability is in essence, the opposite of what we have been set up to believe. Vulnerability is not weakness, it is not shameful. Vulnerability is strength. It is real. It is connecting.

If we can understand that vulnerability is positive and life affirming, then perhaps we can learn to overcome our resistance to it. However, it means getting out of our own way and questioning habitual reactions.

Questions for you to consider

Here are some questions for you to consider that can help you examine your own perspectives on vulnerability.

What is it costing me to avoid uncomfortable issues? Where do I hold myself back? Where have I been unwilling to risk? In what ways will facing my vulnerability give me strength? In what ways will facing my vulnerability bring me connection to others? In what ways will facing my vulnerability bring me peace of mind?

This is the passage from our book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth, Self Worth with Elise’s pastel painting, Jane’s Meadow. It calls you forth to see your vulnerability as strength.

None of us are perfect, and yet all of us are deserving of love and understanding. We don’t let ourselves be who really are because we think others won’t like it. But the truth is that others won’t like it when they can’t tell who you are and that what you say really reflects who you are. That just leads to cynicism, distrust and fakeness over time. We need to give others permission to be exactly who they are so we can be who we are. No one is perfect, and yet we are all perfect in our imperfections. That is the human experience. We are here to love, learn, grow, be ourselves and know that our being here is our ticket to self worth. As we accept that and believe that, we build true authentic bonds of connection with others. All the striving to be something we are not in order to get self worth is a losing game that eventually catches up with people. You can only be an act for so long. It is your vulnerability which will make you strong and make you soar. Be yourself and be proud!

From the Head to the Heart

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From the Head to the Heart

A few weekends ago, I had the privilege to attend a workshop at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York. Omega is a wonderful retreat and educational center offering courses on personal and societal change from some of the leading authors, speakers and educators in the country. The title of the workshop I signed up for was “Reduced To Joy, The Journey from the Head to the Heart.” That title resonated for me because as an ex attorney, I was trained to live in my head. Even though I made some big changes in my life, transitioning from the life of an attorney to an entrepreneur, and now a writer and life coach, it was still hard to shake off some of the old patterns that seemed to come from my head. I was still grappling with issues such as trying to control outcomes, or situations, taking things personally, or striving to achieve goals that had little authentic meaning for me.

I felt that taking this workshop would serve to help me “Let Go” and really move into my heart, the place I really wanted to live.

From the beginning, the workshop, and the way it was presented started to work its magic on me. I noticed that the instructor had no written outline, there was no power point presentation. There was no agenda at all except to create an environment of presence where the sharing of experience would be honored. The instructor read from his books. He shared stories and poems about life that were about real things that happen to all of us. The heartache of loss, how an illness can shape us, how unexpected events can change one’s direction, and how through all of it, there can be a depth of joy regardless of the obstacles we encounter. Almost everyone in the room shared, and it was sharing from the heart. It was powerful.

I left the weekend workshop at Omega feeling moved and knew that I was entering a new period of transformation. I knew that for me to make the shift, I would still need to let go, but I also realized that I had already begun. By moving to Asheville after being in the same town for 19 years, and by writing and publishing a new book about healing and personal empowerment, I had entered a new phase of a journey. I embrace that journey, and am starting to trust in the more unknown but true path ahead of me.

Phil Okrend

I believe that the path for all of us to make true change in our lives starts with “letting go” of what no longer serves us. This is a passage from our book, “Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth.” It calls on you to “Let Go.”

If you don’t know what you want, then let go of what you don’t want.
Perhaps when you empty yourself of outdated notions, limiting beliefs,
what you thought you had to do from your conditioned mind,
then the fruits of a new way will have the room to penetrate. It is
much like clearing the dirt and debris to plant a new garden. We fight
with ourselves when we try to force ourselves to be a certain way,
live up to life standards that weren’t set by us in the first place. Feel
what makes you come alive and do that, but first, empty out what is
no longer true for you. When you let go, don’t feel that you need to
rush into a new way. Allow yourself to take the time to be. Trust, be patient.
The new way will come.

Tropical Belize by Elise Okrend, www.eliseokrend.com