Tag Archives: Life Lessons

The Storms Of Our Lives Revisited

I am revisiting a post that was written one year ago this month when Coastal Regions of the United States were facing another hurricane. That hurricane did little damage but as I am writing this, Hurricane Matthew currently a Category 4 Storm is threatening the Florida Coast and has already brought destruction to Haiti and is now hitting the Bahamas. In the below post I contemplated on the storms of our lives and what they mean, whether they are environmental or not, for we are all subject to them.

I’ve been thinking about storms lately. As a Hurricane now blows its way around the Southeast and the Atlantic, there is a sense that these storms can be random. We never know where they are going to hit and who will be effected. These real physical storms are felt but storms are not all of an environmental nature. We all are subject to storms in our lives. These storms can take the form of a health, relationship, business or financial crisis that can land unexpectedly. What these storms do is put us at a choice point. The storm signals to us that something needs to change in our lives. Perhaps we need to make a change to really move forward in our lives, and the storm awakens us from complacency.

The Storm Offers Two Choices

I believe that the storm offers two choices. The first choice is to resist the need to change or remain stuck. The second choice is to flow and adapt to the change to become unstuck. The stuck choice is motivated by fear. Perhaps the fear is of an unknown future, a desire to cling to the past, or a lack of confidence regarding our ability to handle it all. The unstuck choice on the other hand is motivated first by an acceptance of the situation, of what happened. It is also marked by a calmness and a knowing that you have the ability and inner resources to deal with the crises. It is out of that calmness with curiosity, openness and belief that a new direction, a new course can be forged.

They say that it is darkest before the dawn and so it is with the storms of our lives. I believe that we are never given a situation that we cannot handle, and we have more ability and wisdom than we know. It is also within the storms of our lives that our greatest life purpose can be excavated. When Moses was a privileged Egyptian prince, he saw and felt the storm of a people in bondage. His exile from his known life, his storm, allowed him to hear the voice of his God to move into his life purpose as a leader and liberator. Whatever your life purpose is, pay attention to the storms you may find yourself in. It is those storms and the way you process them that may lead you as well to your greatest purpose and destiny.

The following is a passage from our book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth. The Passage from Reflections On Transformation/Change calls on you to see a storm in your life in an empowering way: The passage is paired with Elise Okrend’s original pastel painting, Southern Sky:

A Cycle of Change. A storm can free your desire, your calmness can free your wisdom, your actions can free your destiny.

Southern Sky Pastel by Elise Okrend, www.eliseokrend.com

Do We Need A New Story?

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DO WE NEED A NEW STORY?

Do we need a new story for the world at this time? The world seems to be at a tipping point with terrorism and the fight against it gaining headlines. If we react with more and more war, with greater violence, with more defensiveness, how does that define us as a people? Were we meant to live in fear, with suspicion of one another, or is there another way? It looks more and more that our world is facing a choice point.

THE CHOICE

The painting and passage below from Messages to the Heart, Reflections on Unity, Oneness depict a sacred city, Tzvat in Israel, the birthplace of the mystic study of Kabbalah. This region of the world, The Middle East and the land of Israel represents a paradox. On one hand, the teachings of peace compassion, miracles, the connection to the divine spring from this land. Judaism, Christianity, Islam all have origins here. At the same time it is a land and region reeling in turmoil and conflict, too often marked by violence. So this duality, this paradox shows that both love and hatred can exist in the same land.

But here is our choice. Do we want to continue to allow the divisions, the separations, the fears to rule us, to cause us to react to each other with judgment, suspicion, hatred? Or do we want to pursue a way of peace, of unity, seeing that we are one. I believe that most of us want the same things, happiness, peace, dignity, reverence for life. The passage and art call on us to walk through a doorway. It calls for us to see another way to live and be with each other. It is through knowing that our old ways are not working, that we can choose again. Even if it means stepping out into the unknown, even if it means letting go. The darkness can either move us to more darkness, or it can allow us to see the light that shines more brightly in contrast. Let us choose the light.

Phil Okrend, 11/18/15

The Old City by Elise Okrend, www.eliseokrend.com

Oneness

Imagine a new story:
Instead of consumerism-humanism
Instead of greed- giving
Instead of competition- cooperation
Instead of conflict-coexistence
Instead of fear- love
Instead of sleeping-awakening
Instead of control-surrender
Instead of holding tightly- letting go
Instead of feeling alone-feeling that we are one.
The truth is that this story has begun! Let it live into our consciousness.

You can order the book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth through our web site or on Amazon.com

To learn about Phil Okrend’s Life Coaching services, visit his coaching page at the Messages to the Heart Website! Take advantage of a 30 minute complimentary coaching session to see how coaching can move you forward in your life and/or career.

The Storms Of Our Lives

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The Storms Of Our Lives

I’ve been thinking about storms lately. As Hurricane Joquin blows its way around the Southeast and the Atlantic, there is a sense that these storms can be random. We never know where they are going to hit and who will be effected. These real physical storms are felt but storms are not all of an environmental nature. We all are subject to storms in our lives. These storms can take the form of a health, relationship, business or financial crisis that can land unexpectedly. What these storms do is put us at a choice point. The storm signals to us that something needs to change in our lives. Perhaps we need to make a change to really move forward in our lives, and the storm awakens us from complacency.

The Storm Offers Two Choices

I believe that the storm offers two choices. The first choice is to resist the need to change or remain stuck. The second choice is to flow and adapt to the change to become unstuck. The stuck choice is motivated by fear. Perhaps the fear is of an unknown future, a desire to cling to the past, or a lack of confidence regarding our ability to handle it all. The unstuck choice on the other hand is motivated first by an acceptance of the situation, of what happened. It is also marked by a calmness and a knowing that you have the ability and inner resources to deal with the crises. It is out of that calmness with curiosity, openness and belief that a new direction, a new course can be forged.

The following is a passage from our book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth. The Passage from Reflections On Transformation/Change calls on you to see a storm in your life in an empowering way: The passage is paired with Elise Okrend’s original pastel painting, Southern Sky:

A Cycle of Change. A storm can free your desire, your calmness can free your wisdom, your actions can free your destiny.

Southern Sky by Elise Okrend, www.eliseokrend.com

Messages to the Heart Book Salon at Malaprops Books & Cafe

Do you want to go deeper, have a dialogue, contemplate what is possible in your life, in the world? If you are in Asheviile, or plan to visit this Fall, please join us at one of our book salons. We meet every other Wednesday through the end of October at Malaprops Books & Cafe from 5-6p.m. We welcome your presence and participation. The next Book Salon will take place on Wednesday, October 14th. Also, we would love your feedback on this blog. Please feel free to add your comments below. We look forward to connecting with you.

Phil & Elise Okrend

You can order the book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth through our web site , the retail stores listed there including Malaprops, or on Amazon.com

To learn about Phil’s Life Coaching services, visit his coaching page at the Messages to the Heart Website! Take advantage of a 30 minute complimentary coaching session to see how coaching can move you forward in your life and/or career.

Wholeness In The New Year

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How Do You Look At New Year’s Resolutions?

At the beginning of the year, it is commonplace to think about change, and to set new intentions. At this time, many people set New Year’s Resolutions. Normally this may consist of setting goals you want to achieve, your “To Do List.” Often as you move through the year, these New Year’s Resolutions seem to lose their sustaining power. You either feel a great deal of resistance in pursuing them or your goals get lost to the distractions and busyness of life. Did you ever think that the block to achieving these resolutions comes from the mindset that created them in the first place. The mindset tells you that you don’t have what you really want, that you are somehow flawed where you are right now. This mindset comes from a sense of lack or not enough. It takes a great deal of striving, effort, willpower and the overcoming of resistance to get anywhere. It simply doesn’t feel good to do it.

Why do people continue to set themselves up again and again for these disappointments and defeats. Statistics show that only 8% of Americans actually succeed in achieving New Years resolutions.

What If There Was Another Way To Look At The New Year?

What if you came from a place of abundance and wholeness. What if you knew that there was nothing lacking inside of you when you set your intentions for the New Year. Then the motivation to change would look different. It would come from “I have everything I need inside me.” “What do I do now?” Instead of feeling that you need to get something outside yourself to feel good, you already feel good. Then life would look more like a playground of possibility. You would be called by questions such as, What do I want to enjoy? What do I want to experience? What am I curious about? What are the skills I want to develop to enjoy the life I was given? What are the relationships that honor or compliment me? What is the work situation that speaks to my abilities, my potential? What am I here to contribute?

From this place of wholeness, you see that control, willpower, major effort and striving are irrelevant. What is highlighted instead is a sense of surrender to a higher calling. It is a sense that if you trusted the knowing of your true self, your authentic self, you will be led exactly to the situations that will contribute to your greatest growth, joy, wisdom and potential. You will still take steps, and action. However those steps will be characterized by non attachment to outcome, a feeling of lightness and enjoyment. Your life will also be lived in the present moment as you would not be driven by a dissatisfaction that would judge or make you feel bad for not having what you want right now.

Ultimately, as you look at your New Year, there are two paths you can choose. One is the Path of Efforting. The other is the Path of Surrender. Which one will you choose?

The following passage from our book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth. This passage on Empowerment calls on you to see your life from a place of wholeness. The passage is paired with the original Pastel Painting of Artist Elise Okrend. The title of the painting is Into The Light.

There is only one essential assumption to make in life. That is You Are Worthy.
By understanding the truth of that, you understand that you do not need to prove
anything, control anything, force anything. All you have to do is share what you
already are with others and you will thrive. To believe otherwise is false to your
true nature and causes needless pain and suffering for you and others. When you
know you are worthy, you know that you do not lack anything and you are truly
abundant. You are here to grow, share, learn and love. All the other stuff is just
conditioning and learned behavior. All you need to do is let go of those falsities
and come back to the truth of your worth.

Phil Okrend, January 2015

Vulnerability Is Strength

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Reflections on Empowerment

This latest blog post was inspired by a passage from Messages to the Heart, Reflections on Empowerment, Self Worth. The art and passage appear below the article.

Being vulnerable is difficult for many people

Being vulnerable is difficult for many people. It can conjure up intense feelings such as fear of being judged, loss of control and weakness. When we want to project a certain image to the world, we may try to avoid vulnerability. It is as though being vulnerable will leave us feeling alone and abandoned because we will not be accepted for who we really are.

At the moment that we feel vulnerable, it presents us with a choice. The choice is one between acting from the ego or false self, or acting from your true or authentic self. While the ego may crave control, predictability and looking good in the eyes of others, the authentic self, wants to give and receive love, connection and compassion.

I think we have reached a critical point in our culture where many people are literally burnt out and exhausted from the demands of the ego. The ego is never relaxed or satisfied, and always wants control. It is getting harder to hold on to a sense of control when so many personal and world situations seem beyond our control.

Being vulnerable allows us to let go of the struggle for control

Being vulnerable allows us to let go of the struggle for control. It allows us the freedom to enter into relationships where truth and authenticity are valued, where flaws are not shamed, but merely seen as human. Vulnerability leads us to a shared connection with others because it allows us to have shared empathy with others. Vulnerability is then the place where true community building can occur. Vulnerability is in essence, the opposite of what we have been set up to believe. Vulnerability is not weakness, it is not shameful. Vulnerability is strength. It is real. It is connecting.

If we can understand that vulnerability is positive and life affirming, then perhaps we can learn to overcome our resistance to it. However, it means getting out of our own way and questioning habitual reactions.

Questions for you to consider

Here are some questions for you to consider that can help you examine your own perspectives on vulnerability.

What is it costing me to avoid uncomfortable issues? Where do I hold myself back? Where have I been unwilling to risk? In what ways will facing my vulnerability give me strength? In what ways will facing my vulnerability bring me connection to others? In what ways will facing my vulnerability bring me peace of mind?

This is the passage from our book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth, Self Worth with Elise’s pastel painting, Jane’s Meadow. It calls you forth to see your vulnerability as strength.

None of us are perfect, and yet all of us are deserving of love and understanding. We don’t let ourselves be who really are because we think others won’t like it. But the truth is that others won’t like it when they can’t tell who you are and that what you say really reflects who you are. That just leads to cynicism, distrust and fakeness over time. We need to give others permission to be exactly who they are so we can be who we are. No one is perfect, and yet we are all perfect in our imperfections. That is the human experience. We are here to love, learn, grow, be ourselves and know that our being here is our ticket to self worth. As we accept that and believe that, we build true authentic bonds of connection with others. All the striving to be something we are not in order to get self worth is a losing game that eventually catches up with people. You can only be an act for so long. It is your vulnerability which will make you strong and make you soar. Be yourself and be proud!

Finding Your Yellow Brick Road

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What is the truth about you?

One of my favorite movies of all time is “The Wizard of Oz.”

Find Your Yellow Brick Road

This timeless tale of Dorothy, her little dog Toto and her three friends, the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion has touched generations of children and adults alike. I invite you to stroll down the Yellow Brick Road to share some insights that may be helpful in your own life journey. As we are introduced to the main characters on their journey to meet the Wizard, we learn about their beliefs.

Dorothy believes only the Wizard can help her get back home, the Scarecrow believes he doesn’t have a brain, the Tin Man believes he has no heart, and the Lion believes he has no courage. They all look to The Wizard of Oz to obtain what they believe they don’t have or possess.

But is their perception of who they are, flawed?

But is their perception of who they are, flawed? If the Lion has no courage, how does he summon the will to help his friends when they are in trouble? If the Tin Man has no heart, how can he care so much for others? If the Scarecrow has no brains, how does he conceive of the plan to rescue Dorothy? Each of them shows that they already possess the qualities they seek. So if they had believed in the truth of who they were, they would never have needed to get validation from an outside source, the Wizard.

There’s no place like home

How may this apply in your own life? You may ask the following questions: Do some of the beliefs you have adopted in your life, about what you are capable of, represent what is really true about you? Do your beliefs about yourself serve to keep you empowered and on purpose, or do they keep you from authenticity and fulfillment? Do you need external approval in order to believe that you are talented, loved, strong or grounded? The more you ask yourself, “What is the truth?” the more you can consciously choose to release the limiting beliefs that no longer serve you. You won’t have to look much further than your own backyard to do so. As Dorothy said, “There’s no place like home”.

The following passage is from our book Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth. It calls on you to find your special place of truth within.

Reflections on Love Trust, Meditation Pond, Pastel Art by Elise Okrend.

If you want love, look within.

If you want peace, look within.

If you want satisfaction, look within.

If you want to be in harmony with others, look within.

If you want to be free of distraction, look within.

If you want to honor your truth, look within .

There is no reason to look anywhere else.  All that you need is within. You were just looking in the wrong place.

Phil

Phil Okrend, Certified Life and Business Coach, transitioned from being an attorney, to the life of a creative entrepreneur, writer, speaker and musician. Phil is the author of the new coffee table book “Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth,” which pairs his mindful poetic writings with the art of his wife, Asheville based pastel artist Elise Okrend. www.messagestotheheart.com and www.steppingstonescoaching.com

Art Gives Hope Through Tragedy

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This story, Art Gives Hope Through Tragedy is about one of my original paintings, and how that painting touched one family in a time of need. The painting, “Mountain Mist” below is one of the paintings featured in our book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth.

The story begins with the following email I received about a month ago:

Four years ago, April or May of 2011, we bought a painting from someone in the Kress Emporium and I do believe it was you. You were just setting up your booth that weekend and one of you, you or your husband, was injured (a sprained ankle or some such), which made the set up complicated. You were not really ready for business yet but we were heading back to Charlotte and knew we would never be back to Asheville. Does that sound familiar?

That afternoon, we bought a beautiful painting of the Blue Ridge Mountains from that particular artist, hopefully you … ( approx 16″x24″) Seeing your work on the Gallery’s website, your style seems very similar. Yes???
With that in mind, there is a sad tale to tell:

We bought the painting as a gift for our daughter (a Univ. of Virginia graduate and employee) so she could keep that breathtaking and beloved view with her when she moved up to Boston. It has hung over her bed these 4 years and she loves it every time she looks up!

Last week, there was a terrible and tragic fire in Boston (You might have seen it on the National News) that was her apartment building on Beacon Street. Fortunately she was at work, but EVERYTHING was lost, including the painting and the information about the artist that was taped on the back of the frame. Although we know that it is not possible to duplicate all of her belongings, this painting was one very special piece that we hope to replace with something similar.

Please let me know if you have any memory of that time or conversation (or injury!) and perhaps we can discuss one happy ending to this nightmare.

Art Gives Hope Through Tragedy

I was so honored that I was able to connect with this woman and was able to replace the piece, “Mountain Mist.” I will be shipping it to her daughter this week. Feeling grateful that I was able to help in their time of need, and that my art is touching people in ways that I might not even know. For you readers out there who have a yearning to create, and bring your creation to the world, don’t hold back. Bring your work to life. You never know how it will touch and inspire another.

Elise Okrend
Pastel Artist
www.eliseokrend.com
elise@eliseokrend.com

Imagine A New Story

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From Separateness To Oneness

What if we knew that the individualistic ways that we were taught to be in the world are not working, and that there is another way calling to us, that is not yet here, but waiting for us to build. A world that is inclusive, whole and healing. Imagine a door just waiting for you, and for all of us to walk through from separateness to oneness. Imagine a new story.

Imagine A New Story

From Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth, by Elise and Phil Okrend

Imagine a new story:
Instead of consumerism-humanism,
Instead of greed-giving,
Instead of competition-cooperation,
Instead of conflict-coexistence,
Instead of fear-love,
Instead of sleeping-awakening,
Instead of control-surrender,
Instead of holding tightly,
letting go,
Instead of feeling alone-feeling that we are one.
The truth us that this story has begun.
Let it live into our consciousness

Elise & Phil
www.messagestotheheart.com

A Winter Reflection

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I was speaking with a friend today who had gone through some trying times recently. He had been in a car accident and was dealing with the breakup of a relationship. He said that he felt overwhelmed and wasn’t sure how he was going to handle it all. As we spoke a bit, he talked about some previous challenges, and he realized that he had gotten through it all. The challenges had actually brought him to a better place. He just he didn’t know it at the time. Our conversation made me think of the below passage from our book, Messages To The Heart.

If you could see your life as a perpetual place of learning and growth, then you can see that all your perceived setbacks, misfortunes, accidents, betrayals are merely signs to help you pay attention to what you haven’t been paying attention to. When you take the time to reflect, you will be able to learn and grow. When you react to a perceived negative occurrence, you just continue that pattern. Open your eyes to a new way of seeing life because as you change your mind, you change your life.

In the book, the above passage is paired with Elise’s painting, Winter Morning. It is during the winter that one can reflect within the stillness and quiet of it all. It can be a time to absorb some of those greater lessons that can move us forward. Life is always pushing us forward to our greatest growth. Do you agree?