Tag Archives: Vulnerability

Finding Guidance In the Unknown

About 2 1/2 years ago, we decided to move from Raleigh to Asheville. It was a creatively inspired move as my wife Elise Hodara Okrend was drawn here for the mountain landscapes, and interpreted them into her paintings. I also loved the vibe, musically, the progressive ideas, the beauty, the idea of expansiveness. It was also the perfect place to introduce our book, Messages to the Heart which was a joining of my writings with Elise’s beautiful art. So the reality of the move made sense on many levels, but hasn’t always been a straight line, where you can predict anything. Yet, Elise has found a home here to make art, to really be the artist that she has dreamed of. I think I came here for a sense of rediscovery, and to let go of ideas or preconceptions of my life that no longer served. That is a process in itself that is still occurring.

A New Chapter

Now after renting since our start in Asheville, we have bought a place in Black Mountain. Its beautiful here, but I feel a new phase, chapter is beginning, and I don’t even know what it will look like. I think it is the acceptance of this not knowing that has been most challenging for me. I am willing and able, and open to listen more and more, and to get out of what I think it will or should be. It is this sense of allowing that I think will make me happier, more fulfilled in this journey. I think learning to be grateful for all is key, whatever the experience.

The above reflection that I wrote shortly after my move drew me to the passage and art in Messages to the Heart that speaks to Trust. The painting paired with the passage is Lake Fontana by Elise Okrend.

What is it to radiate love? What is it to radiate peace? Let the clouds of illusion lift from your eyes and see that all the fears you thought were real were just distractions from you realizing your strength, your beauty, your purpose. Allow a sense of trust to rise above and lead you to a better way. The illusions you thought were real will crumble as you stop giving them power. They will melt away and you will see the path. Follow the sun and if you don’t see it right away, feel your way there, listen and trust. It will get brighter. It will get warmer.

As I go through my own journey, it is comforting to know that almost everything that I fear, love or need to overcome is addressed in this book. I know as well that whatever struggle I may be going through, others may be going through as well. If a piece of art or passage in Messages to the Heart has spoken to you at a time when you needed guidance, please let us know. We would love to hear about it.

Wishing you peace and comfort on your journey,

Phil Okrend, April, 12, 2016

Vulnerability Is Strength

Reflections on Empowerment

This latest blog post was inspired by a passage from Messages to the Heart, Reflections on Empowerment, Self Worth. The art and passage appear below the article.

Being vulnerable is difficult for many people

Being vulnerable is difficult for many people. It can conjure up intense feelings such as fear of being judged, loss of control and weakness. When we want to project a certain image to the world, we may try to avoid vulnerability. It is as though being vulnerable will leave us feeling alone and abandoned because we will not be accepted for who we really are.

At the moment that we feel vulnerable, it presents us with a choice. The choice is one between acting from the ego or false self, or acting from your true or authentic self. While the ego may crave control, predictability and looking good in the eyes of others, the authentic self, wants to give and receive love, connection and compassion.

I think we have reached a critical point in our culture where many people are literally burnt out and exhausted from the demands of the ego. The ego is never relaxed or satisfied, and always wants control. It is getting harder to hold on to a sense of control when so many personal and world situations seem beyond our control.

Being vulnerable allows us to let go of the struggle for control

Being vulnerable allows us to let go of the struggle for control. It allows us the freedom to enter into relationships where truth and authenticity are valued, where flaws are not shamed, but merely seen as human. Vulnerability leads us to a shared connection with others because it allows us to have shared empathy with others. Vulnerability is then the place where true community building can occur. Vulnerability is in essence, the opposite of what we have been set up to believe. Vulnerability is not weakness, it is not shameful. Vulnerability is strength. It is real. It is connecting.

If we can understand that vulnerability is positive and life affirming, then perhaps we can learn to overcome our resistance to it. However, it means getting out of our own way and questioning habitual reactions.

Questions for you to consider

Here are some questions for you to consider that can help you examine your own perspectives on vulnerability.

What is it costing me to avoid uncomfortable issues? Where do I hold myself back? Where have I been unwilling to risk? In what ways will facing my vulnerability give me strength? In what ways will facing my vulnerability bring me connection to others? In what ways will facing my vulnerability bring me peace of mind?

This is the passage from our book, Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth, Self Worth with Elise’s pastel painting, Jane’s Meadow. It calls you forth to see your vulnerability as strength.

None of us are perfect, and yet all of us are deserving of love and understanding. We don’t let ourselves be who really are because we think others won’t like it. But the truth is that others won’t like it when they can’t tell who you are and that what you say really reflects who you are. That just leads to cynicism, distrust and fakeness over time. We need to give others permission to be exactly who they are so we can be who we are. No one is perfect, and yet we are all perfect in our imperfections. That is the human experience. We are here to love, learn, grow, be ourselves and know that our being here is our ticket to self worth. As we accept that and believe that, we build true authentic bonds of connection with others. All the striving to be something we are not in order to get self worth is a losing game that eventually catches up with people. You can only be an act for so long. It is your vulnerability which will make you strong and make you soar. Be yourself and be proud!

From the Head to the Heart

I felt that taking this workshop would serve to help me “Let Go” and really move into my heart, the place I really wanted to live.

From the beginning, the workshop, and the way it was presented started to work its magic on me. I noticed that the instructor had no written outline, there was no power point presentation. There was no agenda at all except to create an environment of presence where the sharing of experience would be honored. The instructor read from his books. He shared stories and poems about life that were about real things that happen to all of us. The heartache of loss, how an illness can shape us, how unexpected events can change one’s direction, and how through all of it, there can be a depth of joy regardless of the obstacles we encounter. Almost everyone in the room shared, and it was sharing from the heart. It was powerful.

I left the weekend workshop at Omega feeling moved and knew that I was entering a new period of transformation. I knew that for me to make the shift, I would still need to let go, but I also realized that I had already begun. By moving to Asheville after being in the same town for 19 years, and by writing and publishing a new book about healing and personal empowerment, I had entered a new phase of a journey. I embrace that journey, and am starting to trust in the more unknown but true path ahead of me.

Phil Okrend

I believe that the path for all of us to make true change in our lives starts with “letting go” of what no longer serves us. This is a passage from our book, “Messages to the Heart, Reflections of Beauty and Truth.” It calls on you to “Let Go.”

If you don’t know what you want, then let go of what you don’t want.
Perhaps when you empty yourself of outdated notions, limiting beliefs,
what you thought you had to do from your conditioned mind,
then the fruits of a new way will have the room to penetrate. It is
much like clearing the dirt and debris to plant a new garden. We fight
with ourselves when we try to force ourselves to be a certain way,
live up to life standards that weren’t set by us in the first place. Feel
what makes you come alive and do that, but first, empty out what is
no longer true for you. When you let go, don’t feel that you need to
rush into a new way. Allow yourself to take the time to be. Trust, be patient.
The new way will come.

Tropical Belize by Elise Okrend, www.eliseokrend.com